Chapter 11

3/20/2012

I put myself on self imposed restrictions at the detox facility I am staying at becuase I feel absolutely hopeless that I will ever find helpm for narcolepsy in this community. Self imposed restrictions create a scenario whereby if you leave the drug detox/stablization unti you will not be allowed to return. Otherwise in the stabillization unit where I am staying I am allowed to leave the building for brief periods of time during the day so long as I remain sober and return in time for various meetings and curfews throughout the day.

I feel like leaving today and collecting my disability payment in full tomorrow. I want to to do meth amphetamines. Well, I don't want to do illegal amphetamines but the desire to work full time even if just on the interenet and excersise riding my bike is a strong pull.

My drug and alcohol counsellor was so kind and came to see me today from his office because I was too concerned to leave the detox to walk to his office today. I thought I might do meth along the way.

He asked me why did I think it was so important to go on restrictions and not do meth?

I told him because I hate how this condition and this predicament make my mind bend my morals and my thoughts seem to justify meth use in absence of a medial alternative. I hate that.

I am an honest person with an honest ailment and I hate when the pull of addiction or the lack of proper medical therapy makes me feel like I can use crystal meth instead.

He asked me if since I have been sober have I noticed anything about myself that is better and I honestly can not say that I do. Since quiting meth four months ago I have been right back in the catch twenty two I was in when I returned from California and could no longer stay awake all day without Ritalin.

I just can not understand why a Canadian doctor will mot agree to pull my medical records from the United States and agrre to continue the therapy that worked best for me. At the clinic I regulary go to have my prescription for Alertec and Effexor filled Dr. Minhua pointedly told me hi will not honor the advice of the Californinian doctors. Nor will he consider pulling my files. And, to top it all of despite my years of having had my prescription for an anti-depressant filled for the symtpoms of cataplexy as prescribed by my initial, now retired, neurologist Dr. Hoagie.

He insisted immediately before I even asked him to refill my anti-depressant prescription that he will not prescribe it for cataplexy and he also insisted that his office had never prescribed an anti-depressant to me for that reason. But, that is so dead wrong. I have never once complained in his office about the symtpoms of depression. I don't even know that they are. The only reason I ever came to Dr. Minhua's office and requested a script for an anti-depressant is because I had been prescribed an anti-depressant by my neurologist not for deppression but to combat the symptoms of partial facial paralysis, inability to speak and occasional weakness at the knees whenever I am involuntarily stressed. That is cataplexy associated with narcolepsy.

Maybe now after years of hopeless treatment by Canadian medical health system, bullying by canaidan doctors I know what depression is. But, even still I am not so sure. I would have to look it up.

3/22/2012

I have till the end of this month to find another treatment place to go. Like I said I don't mind sticking it to Canada and having them pay for all the problems I am having otherwise I would be able to just go get a job and be a "normal" citizen. But, seeing as how I can't get a good doctor here, nor a second opinion, nor proper medical therapy for my disability fuck them. Canada can pay my way till I can make enough money laying prone in bed all day working on the internet till I can leave.

So far so good. I can most likely stay at a shelter near the recovery house I plan to attend for the time it takes to get an intake date. Plus, I also will be able to keep a larger part of my disability check allowing me to possibly buy another laptop to operate this website I use to make money. Who knows? I'll see.

Besides the doctors not helping me I am feeling quite alright. See reader quite the difference between now and three days ago when all I could think about was narcolepsy. That is because I stopped taking that anti-psychotic medication Abilify. It was literally driving me nuts. I need some help. But, I need help with the symptoms of my sleep disorder. I am not delusional.

3/23/2012

Alright. My plans are moving along. I am most likely staying at Yukon Shelter for about a month while I wait to secure my recovery house and supportive housing. Perfect. All of this brings my much closer to realizing my goal of running my online complany from a much better place, making some money, coming home and seeing my American doctor again.

3/25/2012

I moved! I am in my new albeit temporary place. It's called Yukon Shelter and I share a room with another fellow until I can get into another drug rehabilitation place. This is probably not the best place for me to try and stay away from crystal meth. The general rule here is don't ask - don't tell.

There is plenty of nice, normal people here and I am surprised what kind of people do end up homeless. Yukon shelter is situated out of the deplorable circumstances of the downtown east-side of Vancouver so the clientele here seems to be genuinely displaced people and not neccesarily drug addicts. I forgot normal people have these kinds of problems too. As awkward as this is too say it is nice and reassuring to me to be around normal people who at the very least try and hide their drug and alcohol habits shuold they have some.

I am glad to be here. But, the pull of crystal meth is very much stronger on me here than it was at Onsite. At the Yukon Shelter the beds are unavailable between 9:30 am to 5:30 pm. There is a breif period between 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm that the rooms are once again available but the general intention of that period of time is for clients to be able to shower who did not get a chance to shower in the morning or the night before. It is not intended for clients to sleep.

That is my problem - sleeping. I generally have between three to five insatiable naps a day. I just cannot stay awake any longer and will lie down just about anywhere to close my eyes and have a quick nap of about half of an hour. See, dear American reader; that is what my medication Alertec is supposed to be relieving me of during the day but does not seem to be able to to. On the other meth amphetamine does.

I don't wan't to trigger myself by writing about it too much but a little meth amphetamine in the morning is able to keep my physically awake all day and if I have to sit in a lounge waiting for my shelter bed to become available again then I am able to do so without falling asleep all over the place. Hell, dear American I would even be able to look for a job knowing I could go to it everyday and not fall alseep. I hate Canada's inadequate medical health care system with it's lack of medical specialists to help me with such a simple problem. The answer here in Canada seems to be go and suffer in a shelter where you are not allowed to even sleep on the floor without being asked to go lie down somewhere else, read outside on the sidewalk till 5:30 pm.

But, on the other hand I am a very rare oddity with an extremely rare neurological condition and thank God for all of these kinds of places and the help they offer regardless. The other poor people in here are really a bunch of great people who just need a little charity and love and kindness in there lives along with a place to stay to get on with the rest of their lives. But, please don't brag, Canadian, to me about the Canadian medical health care system. It is a joke compared to America's where a simple guy like me with a rare yet simple condition was diagnosed in less than two weeks, given proper medical attention, a cheap prescription for a strong stimulant (Ritalin) and was working and able to physically support myself in less than a month. That is a huge difference to me the sufferer. America, it's doctors, it's system gave me back my human dignity, did not ask me to suffer but instead immediately offered me a way to join the rest of society and pursue the American way of life healthy and independent.

Chapter 10

3/18/2012

Only one more day till I get my email program up and running again. I have a quarter million emails for letters to the editor from around the world already loaded up and ready to go. I can hardly wait to start emailing out some of the chapters of this book and see how it begins to affect the gerneral press.

I have a system, if you will of swaying the general public by affecting the minds of millions of editors and others through the use of email. It is all based on the the theories of linguistic programming.

This is what I do. It's simple really. I do not only email the editors of newspapers I use specialized software to email the entire organization. Then I flinging mud all over the fucking place and eventually it starts to stick. But, where it sticks is deep into the mindset of the entire organization, from the copy boy to the mail delivery to the editors to the writers to the managers it begins to create a general mood overall.

Canada is a non-conformist shit bag. It's a branch-plant society due to freetrade in delcine. That's neurolinguistic programming. Now, whenever you hear the words, shit bag or, branch-plant or Canada you will also unconciously associate the words with the words in decline. It works that easy.

I had great success during the Willy Pickton trial in planting alternate theories of evidence and guilt into the minds of millions of Canadians using this simple phrase, Willy Pickkton is not guilty. And, in fact he has been found no more guilty of homicide than to have been helping someone hide the evidence of homicide and that is by law. So, don't think dear reader that I was monkeying around with the due process of law. I have never been charged and the things I said and still say both during and after his trial are quite lawful in Canadian society.

What I had was insider information about the going ons at Willy Picktons farm from angels. And, no not the biker kind but real end of apostasy angels. Real messengers describing to me the sequence of events that led Willy Pickton to allow certain member of this society to hide the evidence of criminal wrongdoing in the event of deaths of certain women, most notably frail prostitutes from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC who had died while in their company.

And, there is a distinct lack per capita of these kinds of offecnces being reported by the members of this society in this community. One woulod expect the numbers to be quite higher over the years of acciddental and deaths and drug overdoses of women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC in this drug addicted and prostitute riddled city. There are key numbers missing in the missing womens files. More of these kinds of files should have been reported as accidental deaths by johns.

But, instead we have long lonely stretches of highways and even inner city byways and even farms littered with the corpses of dead women who presumably could have been dumped their by their johns after fixing a larger than normal dose of heroin or other drug in their frail states with the ample cash some more well heeled johns are able to provide these women.

This is speculation to be sure. But, then given the circumstances, the evidence and verdict of Willy Pickton's trial speculation is all we have. These presumed homicides have never been fully solved. Some women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver have been found dismembered on Willy Picktons farm. But, Willy Pickton has never been convicted of killing them. On the eve of his verdict in the trial all of the major newspapers across Canada ran this headline "Not Guilty". And, subsequently he has only been convicted of homicide under the second clause of second degree homicide by special instruction to the jury for an argument never made in court which is that he only helped in the dismemberment of some women long after their deaths.

This is a case for that television show "Unsolved Mysteries".

---

I just payed for my internet connection again. It makes me feel so much better when I am using some software to market some affiliate blogs in the hopes of earning enough money to get the hell out of here. I don't want to come home and have to use the system to get by.

Next month I am moving into my new place and I will have plenty of money left over from my disablity allowance. In some ways since I am only disabled in Canada for lack of a proper doctor and proper medication I feel justified in allowing them to pay for me in the meantime. It's the Queens charity mind you and bless her soul.

I am also moving into a nice building that is subsisized by the Salvation Army so I feel a lot better about it. That is what the Father had in mind when he said all that about charity and what not. It's for people like me who find themselves disabled or otherwise not able to compete in the regular world. You know, so you aren't tripping over us trying to get to work.

I didn't set up my mass emailer mind you. That requires another website and some more money. But, maybe later. I know some good cheap webhosts out there.

Now, nothing to do but work on my book.

I think I might put a preview on Scribd and I may also try marketing it on Amazon. One easy way to keep a driving narrative in this story is keep chronicling my success in fnally seeing a sleep doctor and being able to talk about my symptoms. This week for instance I am going to call Advocacy Access and see if they are able to help me.

Dr. McEwen will also be back this week and I am going to tell him that I will no longer see him. I will also ask him one last time for a referal and I will also tell him I am no longer going to take Abilify. The thought that it will mitigate the delirious effects of cyrstal meth is too strong a trigger for me. I want to do this right and I want to do it lawfully.

How stupid of my in the Anti-Christ (Canada) when I do not see any hope of legitimatly dealing with my symptoms of excessive daytime sleepiness. But, I will not allow this country to destroy my morals. I am right. This system is wrong. And, there are many other better systems like ours in the United States for instance that I can appeal to.

I am happy to report I made seven dollars so far today affiliate marketing on the internet. I spent seven or so odd years learning how to do this. So, while seven dollars doesn't sound like much my websites are designed to grow incrementally over time. Seven dollars a day gradually becomes seventy dollars and so on till I hit the magic number of two hundred to five hundred dollars a day. Then I will feel comfortable moving back to the United States with enough money to live a comfortable life and also be able to see a proper doctor again like I was seeing before in California.

I also have other plans to take my story about Willy Pickton and what I believe to be the truth of this situation to the newspaper Megaphone and others. As well I am going to talk to a lawyer about my legal options regarding a criminal malpratice suit against some of the doctors here who will not diagnose nor treat me properly.

That part of this book, dear American reader will show you the real problem with this Canadian socialist medical health care model. I know I have a case but, whether I can bring it to court or not under current Canadian law is another matter entirely.

Chapter 9

Image via Wikipedia

I just emailed the last eight chapters of my book to the local independent newspaper called Megaphone. It deals primarily with issues of poverty and homelessness, drug law and culture in the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver.

I wonder if they publish excerpts of my book as editorials or publish them at all. Megaphone seems to be primarily a traditional left wing publication but as I said in my email it would be interesting to see what kind of a synthesis could be had between us as a left wing publisher and a right wing writer given that so many of our concerns are the same.

But, we will see. There are so many other avenues to gather attention for my book through the interet. I have been quite succuesful before in using email software to gather attention to myself and Willy Pickton's plight during his trial.

The process is quite simple really and could easily be converted into a media machine for myself. Though last time I used it I was primarily describibng an alternate version of events regarding the evidence at Willy Picktons trial that would render the verdict of not guilty. Which seems to have worked since he was in fact considered not guilty of his original charges.

OMG. That reminds me dear reader when I tell you what happened to Willy Pickton your eyeballs are gonna bulge out of your head and your idyllic vision of Canada is gonna fade away into a slow smoldering hatred for this country and appreciation for ours, America. I have never witnessed such an extreme travesty of justice go unheralded before in my life.

Back then I built a computer program I still have that crawls the net and finds the email addresses of all the newspaper and magazine editors from around the world. It would be a cinch to load up a couple chapters of my book and have them emailed around the world. Maybe I might just do that. Somebody somewhere needs to know this information.

Vancouver BC is known as the worst open air drug market in the whole world. And, nobody in the mainstream media is paying enough attention to these kinds of problems. While at the same time Vancouver touts itself as one of the best places in the world to live. I think somebody needs to put a stop to all this lying.

And, who better than God's angel to tell the truth? Sounds like a job for me. And, since I am a member of the Satans Angels MC all the better for it, hahahaha lolololol... What do the Satans Angels have to do with it? Well, nothing really. But, they blame everything else on us. So what's the difference?

I'll tell you what the difference - discrimination and making someone eat crow in this city of ours. Somebody has to pay this mistake this city is making. And, it ain't gonna be the Satans Angels. We are gonna be the heroes that discovered something so unlawful and criminal we just to tell everybody, from the judges to lawyers to the government to the doctors to the police to the media to everybody. So take that mutherfuckers. And, I dare you prove that I am not in this club, the Satans Angels MC cuz I already know nobody is talking otherwise. Hahahhaha lololololol.

God, I just talked to some idiot in Onsite about the letters I wrote to Megaphone and he thinks I should be worried about the repurcussions of writing letters criticizing doctors and the medical system. He thinks that maybe I will not get any service at all if I do. Now, I just have to ask how many times does someone have to be hurt by their government before they live in fear of soviet style body politic.

Not me. I tried to explain that I am not recieving any services anyways. So what do I have to fear. Any less service and I will really have a medical malpratice suit on my hands. I really can't stand the average Canadian who has given up hope and accepted second best from their government without question.

Maybe it's now wonder this community is rife full of dereclicts, bums and hoboes. They have given up. And, it takes people like me and people like Onsite and people like Megaphone each with their differing assesments and opinions of this situation to SPEAK UP about what is going here.

Well, at least I am not a fucking idiot and I do not live in fear of my Government. In fact they live in fear of me and my words when they try and pass off anything less than best as what is good for me.

Could is be true that this community of the Downtowen East-Side of Vancouver is populated primarily by idiots who would rather give in and not care and take drugs. I think it is. So be it. Let them. I am no thrill seeker. But, then as I have said before I think the problem ios when people like me start to show up in these communal traps for the disinclined that offer no hope to the average democratic citizen that trouble starts brewing.

And, I am definetly a shit disturber. And, I just love to start fling the shit around till it starts sticking to walls whenever I feel abused. I love it. I absolutely love it. Today is Sunday. Tommorrow I will get some money and be able to hook up my internet again.

The question I wanted answered by that retarded freak staying with me in Onsite was whether or not I should care about people who have done me wrong. And, if so or if not should I blackmail them with emails like the chapters in this book to kingdom come? Of course he said not to and like a common criminal he suggested I am just pulling a con. Well, this is no con. This an outright vendetta. I fall down goofs and this community of losers in the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver seems to be full of them.

Stand up and be a man and fight back or fall down and go die somewhere else because I got no time for you comrade. That was just the kind of bad advice I needed to spark off another thousand words or so and the fire I needed to get my email machine up and running tomorrow.

And, reader please let it be known I am no saviour. I am the hanging judge. And, I do this not to save some poor soul. But, I do this for my own satisfaction of having hung the wicked by their own deeds. I am the angel of God. I am not Jesus Christ.