3/20/2012
I put myself on self imposed restrictions at the detox facility I am staying at becuase I feel absolutely hopeless that I will ever find helpm for narcolepsy in this community. Self imposed restrictions create a scenario whereby if you leave the drug detox/stablization unti you will not be allowed to return. Otherwise in the stabillization unit where I am staying I am allowed to leave the building for brief periods of time during the day so long as I remain sober and return in time for various meetings and curfews throughout the day.
I feel like leaving today and collecting my disability payment in full tomorrow. I want to to do meth amphetamines. Well, I don't want to do illegal amphetamines but the desire to work full time even if just on the interenet and excersise riding my bike is a strong pull.
My drug and alcohol counsellor was so kind and came to see me today from his office because I was too concerned to leave the detox to walk to his office today. I thought I might do meth along the way.
He asked me why did I think it was so important to go on restrictions and not do meth?
I told him because I hate how this condition and this predicament make my mind bend my morals and my thoughts seem to justify meth use in absence of a medial alternative. I hate that.
I am an honest person with an honest ailment and I hate when the pull of addiction or the lack of proper medical therapy makes me feel like I can use crystal meth instead.
He asked me if since I have been sober have I noticed anything about myself that is better and I honestly can not say that I do. Since quiting meth four months ago I have been right back in the catch twenty two I was in when I returned from California and could no longer stay awake all day without Ritalin.
I just can not understand why a Canadian doctor will mot agree to pull my medical records from the United States and agrre to continue the therapy that worked best for me. At the clinic I regulary go to have my prescription for Alertec and Effexor filled Dr. Minhua pointedly told me hi will not honor the advice of the Californinian doctors. Nor will he consider pulling my files. And, to top it all of despite my years of having had my prescription for an anti-depressant filled for the symtpoms of cataplexy as prescribed by my initial, now retired, neurologist Dr. Hoagie.
He insisted immediately before I even asked him to refill my anti-depressant prescription that he will not prescribe it for cataplexy and he also insisted that his office had never prescribed an anti-depressant to me for that reason. But, that is so dead wrong. I have never once complained in his office about the symtpoms of depression. I don't even know that they are. The only reason I ever came to Dr. Minhua's office and requested a script for an anti-depressant is because I had been prescribed an anti-depressant by my neurologist not for deppression but to combat the symptoms of partial facial paralysis, inability to speak and occasional weakness at the knees whenever I am involuntarily stressed. That is cataplexy associated with narcolepsy.
Maybe now after years of hopeless treatment by Canadian medical health system, bullying by canaidan doctors I know what depression is. But, even still I am not so sure. I would have to look it up.
3/22/2012
I have till the end of this month to find another treatment place to go. Like I said I don't mind sticking it to Canada and having them pay for all the problems I am having otherwise I would be able to just go get a job and be a "normal" citizen. But, seeing as how I can't get a good doctor here, nor a second opinion, nor proper medical therapy for my disability fuck them. Canada can pay my way till I can make enough money laying prone in bed all day working on the internet till I can leave.
So far so good. I can most likely stay at a shelter near the recovery house I plan to attend for the time it takes to get an intake date. Plus, I also will be able to keep a larger part of my disability check allowing me to possibly buy another laptop to operate this website I use to make money. Who knows? I'll see.
Besides the doctors not helping me I am feeling quite alright. See reader quite the difference between now and three days ago when all I could think about was narcolepsy. That is because I stopped taking that anti-psychotic medication Abilify. It was literally driving me nuts. I need some help. But, I need help with the symptoms of my sleep disorder. I am not delusional.
3/23/2012
Alright. My plans are moving along. I am most likely staying at Yukon Shelter for about a month while I wait to secure my recovery house and supportive housing. Perfect. All of this brings my much closer to realizing my goal of running my online complany from a much better place, making some money, coming home and seeing my American doctor again.
3/25/2012
I moved! I am in my new albeit temporary place. It's called Yukon Shelter and I share a room with another fellow until I can get into another drug rehabilitation place. This is probably not the best place for me to try and stay away from crystal meth. The general rule here is don't ask - don't tell.
There is plenty of nice, normal people here and I am surprised what kind of people do end up homeless. Yukon shelter is situated out of the deplorable circumstances of the downtown east-side of Vancouver so the clientele here seems to be genuinely displaced people and not neccesarily drug addicts. I forgot normal people have these kinds of problems too. As awkward as this is too say it is nice and reassuring to me to be around normal people who at the very least try and hide their drug and alcohol habits shuold they have some.
I am glad to be here. But, the pull of crystal meth is very much stronger on me here than it was at Onsite. At the Yukon Shelter the beds are unavailable between 9:30 am to 5:30 pm. There is a breif period between 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm that the rooms are once again available but the general intention of that period of time is for clients to be able to shower who did not get a chance to shower in the morning or the night before. It is not intended for clients to sleep.
That is my problem - sleeping. I generally have between three to five insatiable naps a day. I just cannot stay awake any longer and will lie down just about anywhere to close my eyes and have a quick nap of about half of an hour. See, dear American reader; that is what my medication Alertec is supposed to be relieving me of during the day but does not seem to be able to to. On the other meth amphetamine does.
I don't wan't to trigger myself by writing about it too much but a little meth amphetamine in the morning is able to keep my physically awake all day and if I have to sit in a lounge waiting for my shelter bed to become available again then I am able to do so without falling asleep all over the place. Hell, dear American I would even be able to look for a job knowing I could go to it everyday and not fall alseep. I hate Canada's inadequate medical health care system with it's lack of medical specialists to help me with such a simple problem. The answer here in Canada seems to be go and suffer in a shelter where you are not allowed to even sleep on the floor without being asked to go lie down somewhere else, read outside on the sidewalk till 5:30 pm.
But, on the other hand I am a very rare oddity with an extremely rare neurological condition and thank God for all of these kinds of places and the help they offer regardless. The other poor people in here are really a bunch of great people who just need a little charity and love and kindness in there lives along with a place to stay to get on with the rest of their lives. But, please don't brag, Canadian, to me about the Canadian medical health care system. It is a joke compared to America's where a simple guy like me with a rare yet simple condition was diagnosed in less than two weeks, given proper medical attention, a cheap prescription for a strong stimulant (Ritalin) and was working and able to physically support myself in less than a month. That is a huge difference to me the sufferer. America, it's doctors, it's system gave me back my human dignity, did not ask me to suffer but instead immediately offered me a way to join the rest of society and pursue the American way of life healthy and independent.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Chapter 10
3/18/2012
Only one more day till I get my email program up and running again. I have a quarter million emails for letters to the editor from around the world already loaded up and ready to go. I can hardly wait to start emailing out some of the chapters of this book and see how it begins to affect the gerneral press.
I have a system, if you will of swaying the general public by affecting the minds of millions of editors and others through the use of email. It is all based on the the theories of linguistic programming.
This is what I do. It's simple really. I do not only email the editors of newspapers I use specialized software to email the entire organization. Then I flinging mud all over the fucking place and eventually it starts to stick. But, where it sticks is deep into the mindset of the entire organization, from the copy boy to the mail delivery to the editors to the writers to the managers it begins to create a general mood overall.
Canada is a non-conformist shit bag. It's a branch-plant society due to freetrade in delcine. That's neurolinguistic programming. Now, whenever you hear the words, shit bag or, branch-plant or Canada you will also unconciously associate the words with the words in decline. It works that easy.
I had great success during the Willy Pickton trial in planting alternate theories of evidence and guilt into the minds of millions of Canadians using this simple phrase, Willy Pickkton is not guilty. And, in fact he has been found no more guilty of homicide than to have been helping someone hide the evidence of homicide and that is by law. So, don't think dear reader that I was monkeying around with the due process of law. I have never been charged and the things I said and still say both during and after his trial are quite lawful in Canadian society.
What I had was insider information about the going ons at Willy Picktons farm from angels. And, no not the biker kind but real end of apostasy angels. Real messengers describing to me the sequence of events that led Willy Pickton to allow certain member of this society to hide the evidence of criminal wrongdoing in the event of deaths of certain women, most notably frail prostitutes from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC who had died while in their company.
And, there is a distinct lack per capita of these kinds of offecnces being reported by the members of this society in this community. One woulod expect the numbers to be quite higher over the years of acciddental and deaths and drug overdoses of women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC in this drug addicted and prostitute riddled city. There are key numbers missing in the missing womens files. More of these kinds of files should have been reported as accidental deaths by johns.
But, instead we have long lonely stretches of highways and even inner city byways and even farms littered with the corpses of dead women who presumably could have been dumped their by their johns after fixing a larger than normal dose of heroin or other drug in their frail states with the ample cash some more well heeled johns are able to provide these women.
This is speculation to be sure. But, then given the circumstances, the evidence and verdict of Willy Pickton's trial speculation is all we have. These presumed homicides have never been fully solved. Some women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver have been found dismembered on Willy Picktons farm. But, Willy Pickton has never been convicted of killing them. On the eve of his verdict in the trial all of the major newspapers across Canada ran this headline "Not Guilty". And, subsequently he has only been convicted of homicide under the second clause of second degree homicide by special instruction to the jury for an argument never made in court which is that he only helped in the dismemberment of some women long after their deaths.
This is a case for that television show "Unsolved Mysteries".
---
I just payed for my internet connection again. It makes me feel so much better when I am using some software to market some affiliate blogs in the hopes of earning enough money to get the hell out of here. I don't want to come home and have to use the system to get by.
Next month I am moving into my new place and I will have plenty of money left over from my disablity allowance. In some ways since I am only disabled in Canada for lack of a proper doctor and proper medication I feel justified in allowing them to pay for me in the meantime. It's the Queens charity mind you and bless her soul.
I am also moving into a nice building that is subsisized by the Salvation Army so I feel a lot better about it. That is what the Father had in mind when he said all that about charity and what not. It's for people like me who find themselves disabled or otherwise not able to compete in the regular world. You know, so you aren't tripping over us trying to get to work.
I didn't set up my mass emailer mind you. That requires another website and some more money. But, maybe later. I know some good cheap webhosts out there.
Now, nothing to do but work on my book.
I think I might put a preview on Scribd and I may also try marketing it on Amazon. One easy way to keep a driving narrative in this story is keep chronicling my success in fnally seeing a sleep doctor and being able to talk about my symptoms. This week for instance I am going to call Advocacy Access and see if they are able to help me.
Dr. McEwen will also be back this week and I am going to tell him that I will no longer see him. I will also ask him one last time for a referal and I will also tell him I am no longer going to take Abilify. The thought that it will mitigate the delirious effects of cyrstal meth is too strong a trigger for me. I want to do this right and I want to do it lawfully.
How stupid of my in the Anti-Christ (Canada) when I do not see any hope of legitimatly dealing with my symptoms of excessive daytime sleepiness. But, I will not allow this country to destroy my morals. I am right. This system is wrong. And, there are many other better systems like ours in the United States for instance that I can appeal to.
I am happy to report I made seven dollars so far today affiliate marketing on the internet. I spent seven or so odd years learning how to do this. So, while seven dollars doesn't sound like much my websites are designed to grow incrementally over time. Seven dollars a day gradually becomes seventy dollars and so on till I hit the magic number of two hundred to five hundred dollars a day. Then I will feel comfortable moving back to the United States with enough money to live a comfortable life and also be able to see a proper doctor again like I was seeing before in California.
I also have other plans to take my story about Willy Pickton and what I believe to be the truth of this situation to the newspaper Megaphone and others. As well I am going to talk to a lawyer about my legal options regarding a criminal malpratice suit against some of the doctors here who will not diagnose nor treat me properly.
That part of this book, dear American reader will show you the real problem with this Canadian socialist medical health care model. I know I have a case but, whether I can bring it to court or not under current Canadian law is another matter entirely.
Only one more day till I get my email program up and running again. I have a quarter million emails for letters to the editor from around the world already loaded up and ready to go. I can hardly wait to start emailing out some of the chapters of this book and see how it begins to affect the gerneral press.
I have a system, if you will of swaying the general public by affecting the minds of millions of editors and others through the use of email. It is all based on the the theories of linguistic programming.
This is what I do. It's simple really. I do not only email the editors of newspapers I use specialized software to email the entire organization. Then I flinging mud all over the fucking place and eventually it starts to stick. But, where it sticks is deep into the mindset of the entire organization, from the copy boy to the mail delivery to the editors to the writers to the managers it begins to create a general mood overall.
Canada is a non-conformist shit bag. It's a branch-plant society due to freetrade in delcine. That's neurolinguistic programming. Now, whenever you hear the words, shit bag or, branch-plant or Canada you will also unconciously associate the words with the words in decline. It works that easy.
I had great success during the Willy Pickton trial in planting alternate theories of evidence and guilt into the minds of millions of Canadians using this simple phrase, Willy Pickkton is not guilty. And, in fact he has been found no more guilty of homicide than to have been helping someone hide the evidence of homicide and that is by law. So, don't think dear reader that I was monkeying around with the due process of law. I have never been charged and the things I said and still say both during and after his trial are quite lawful in Canadian society.
What I had was insider information about the going ons at Willy Picktons farm from angels. And, no not the biker kind but real end of apostasy angels. Real messengers describing to me the sequence of events that led Willy Pickton to allow certain member of this society to hide the evidence of criminal wrongdoing in the event of deaths of certain women, most notably frail prostitutes from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC who had died while in their company.
And, there is a distinct lack per capita of these kinds of offecnces being reported by the members of this society in this community. One woulod expect the numbers to be quite higher over the years of acciddental and deaths and drug overdoses of women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver BC in this drug addicted and prostitute riddled city. There are key numbers missing in the missing womens files. More of these kinds of files should have been reported as accidental deaths by johns.
But, instead we have long lonely stretches of highways and even inner city byways and even farms littered with the corpses of dead women who presumably could have been dumped their by their johns after fixing a larger than normal dose of heroin or other drug in their frail states with the ample cash some more well heeled johns are able to provide these women.
This is speculation to be sure. But, then given the circumstances, the evidence and verdict of Willy Pickton's trial speculation is all we have. These presumed homicides have never been fully solved. Some women from the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver have been found dismembered on Willy Picktons farm. But, Willy Pickton has never been convicted of killing them. On the eve of his verdict in the trial all of the major newspapers across Canada ran this headline "Not Guilty". And, subsequently he has only been convicted of homicide under the second clause of second degree homicide by special instruction to the jury for an argument never made in court which is that he only helped in the dismemberment of some women long after their deaths.
This is a case for that television show "Unsolved Mysteries".
---
I just payed for my internet connection again. It makes me feel so much better when I am using some software to market some affiliate blogs in the hopes of earning enough money to get the hell out of here. I don't want to come home and have to use the system to get by.
Next month I am moving into my new place and I will have plenty of money left over from my disablity allowance. In some ways since I am only disabled in Canada for lack of a proper doctor and proper medication I feel justified in allowing them to pay for me in the meantime. It's the Queens charity mind you and bless her soul.
I am also moving into a nice building that is subsisized by the Salvation Army so I feel a lot better about it. That is what the Father had in mind when he said all that about charity and what not. It's for people like me who find themselves disabled or otherwise not able to compete in the regular world. You know, so you aren't tripping over us trying to get to work.
I didn't set up my mass emailer mind you. That requires another website and some more money. But, maybe later. I know some good cheap webhosts out there.
Now, nothing to do but work on my book.
I think I might put a preview on Scribd and I may also try marketing it on Amazon. One easy way to keep a driving narrative in this story is keep chronicling my success in fnally seeing a sleep doctor and being able to talk about my symptoms. This week for instance I am going to call Advocacy Access and see if they are able to help me.
Dr. McEwen will also be back this week and I am going to tell him that I will no longer see him. I will also ask him one last time for a referal and I will also tell him I am no longer going to take Abilify. The thought that it will mitigate the delirious effects of cyrstal meth is too strong a trigger for me. I want to do this right and I want to do it lawfully.
How stupid of my in the Anti-Christ (Canada) when I do not see any hope of legitimatly dealing with my symptoms of excessive daytime sleepiness. But, I will not allow this country to destroy my morals. I am right. This system is wrong. And, there are many other better systems like ours in the United States for instance that I can appeal to.
I am happy to report I made seven dollars so far today affiliate marketing on the internet. I spent seven or so odd years learning how to do this. So, while seven dollars doesn't sound like much my websites are designed to grow incrementally over time. Seven dollars a day gradually becomes seventy dollars and so on till I hit the magic number of two hundred to five hundred dollars a day. Then I will feel comfortable moving back to the United States with enough money to live a comfortable life and also be able to see a proper doctor again like I was seeing before in California.
I also have other plans to take my story about Willy Pickton and what I believe to be the truth of this situation to the newspaper Megaphone and others. As well I am going to talk to a lawyer about my legal options regarding a criminal malpratice suit against some of the doctors here who will not diagnose nor treat me properly.
That part of this book, dear American reader will show you the real problem with this Canadian socialist medical health care model. I know I have a case but, whether I can bring it to court or not under current Canadian law is another matter entirely.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Chapter 9
Image via WikipediaI just emailed the last eight chapters of my book to the local independent newspaper called Megaphone. It deals primarily with issues of poverty and homelessness, drug law and culture in the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver.
I wonder if they publish excerpts of my book as editorials or publish them at all. Megaphone seems to be primarily a traditional left wing publication but as I said in my email it would be interesting to see what kind of a synthesis could be had between us as a left wing publisher and a right wing writer given that so many of our concerns are the same.
But, we will see. There are so many other avenues to gather attention for my book through the interet. I have been quite succuesful before in using email software to gather attention to myself and Willy Pickton's plight during his trial.
The process is quite simple really and could easily be converted into a media machine for myself. Though last time I used it I was primarily describibng an alternate version of events regarding the evidence at Willy Picktons trial that would render the verdict of not guilty. Which seems to have worked since he was in fact considered not guilty of his original charges.
OMG. That reminds me dear reader when I tell you what happened to Willy Pickton your eyeballs are gonna bulge out of your head and your idyllic vision of Canada is gonna fade away into a slow smoldering hatred for this country and appreciation for ours, America. I have never witnessed such an extreme travesty of justice go unheralded before in my life.
Back then I built a computer program I still have that crawls the net and finds the email addresses of all the newspaper and magazine editors from around the world. It would be a cinch to load up a couple chapters of my book and have them emailed around the world. Maybe I might just do that. Somebody somewhere needs to know this information.
Vancouver BC is known as the worst open air drug market in the whole world. And, nobody in the mainstream media is paying enough attention to these kinds of problems. While at the same time Vancouver touts itself as one of the best places in the world to live. I think somebody needs to put a stop to all this lying.
And, who better than God's angel to tell the truth? Sounds like a job for me. And, since I am a member of the Satans Angels MC all the better for it, hahahaha lolololol... What do the Satans Angels have to do with it? Well, nothing really. But, they blame everything else on us. So what's the difference?
I'll tell you what the difference - discrimination and making someone eat crow in this city of ours. Somebody has to pay this mistake this city is making. And, it ain't gonna be the Satans Angels. We are gonna be the heroes that discovered something so unlawful and criminal we just to tell everybody, from the judges to lawyers to the government to the doctors to the police to the media to everybody. So take that mutherfuckers. And, I dare you prove that I am not in this club, the Satans Angels MC cuz I already know nobody is talking otherwise. Hahahhaha lololololol.
God, I just talked to some idiot in Onsite about the letters I wrote to Megaphone and he thinks I should be worried about the repurcussions of writing letters criticizing doctors and the medical system. He thinks that maybe I will not get any service at all if I do. Now, I just have to ask how many times does someone have to be hurt by their government before they live in fear of soviet style body politic.
Not me. I tried to explain that I am not recieving any services anyways. So what do I have to fear. Any less service and I will really have a medical malpratice suit on my hands. I really can't stand the average Canadian who has given up hope and accepted second best from their government without question.
Maybe it's now wonder this community is rife full of dereclicts, bums and hoboes. They have given up. And, it takes people like me and people like Onsite and people like Megaphone each with their differing assesments and opinions of this situation to SPEAK UP about what is going here.
Well, at least I am not a fucking idiot and I do not live in fear of my Government. In fact they live in fear of me and my words when they try and pass off anything less than best as what is good for me.
Could is be true that this community of the Downtowen East-Side of Vancouver is populated primarily by idiots who would rather give in and not care and take drugs. I think it is. So be it. Let them. I am no thrill seeker. But, then as I have said before I think the problem ios when people like me start to show up in these communal traps for the disinclined that offer no hope to the average democratic citizen that trouble starts brewing.
And, I am definetly a shit disturber. And, I just love to start fling the shit around till it starts sticking to walls whenever I feel abused. I love it. I absolutely love it. Today is Sunday. Tommorrow I will get some money and be able to hook up my internet again.
The question I wanted answered by that retarded freak staying with me in Onsite was whether or not I should care about people who have done me wrong. And, if so or if not should I blackmail them with emails like the chapters in this book to kingdom come? Of course he said not to and like a common criminal he suggested I am just pulling a con. Well, this is no con. This an outright vendetta. I fall down goofs and this community of losers in the Downtown East-Side of Vancouver seems to be full of them.
Stand up and be a man and fight back or fall down and go die somewhere else because I got no time for you comrade. That was just the kind of bad advice I needed to spark off another thousand words or so and the fire I needed to get my email machine up and running tomorrow.
And, reader please let it be known I am no saviour. I am the hanging judge. And, I do this not to save some poor soul. But, I do this for my own satisfaction of having hung the wicked by their own deeds. I am the angel of God. I am not Jesus Christ.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Chapter 7
God, I just don't have the energy to go and shower myself. It's been days. I used to sleep in my work clothes to try and make it to work on time years ago. Now, I just sleep in my clothes.
I just remembered something I can use to counter the extrodinary claims that my symptoms of a sleep disorder are delusional. When I went for my first lab exams Dr. Fleming refused to consider my symptoms of narcolepsy claiming I had cheated on my lab exams but he did in fact claim I had sleep aspnea. So there you fuck wads. it's a sleep disorder and that is on paper by one of your own doctors.
What puzzles me is how is this so called expert in medicine Dr. McEwen going to diagnos me with anything when he will not give me a referal to another sleep doctor nor will pull my charts from other doctors. In all of ten or fifteen minutes he decides I am delusional and prescribes me an anti-phsychotic which in my estimation has done nothing but angered me and caused me to not be able to stop thinking about my sleep disorder. The exact opposite of what he suggested it might do for me.
I will have to tell him this. Not that I think it will help. I think the man himself is suffering a delusion. Considering what I just remembered about Dr. Flemings diagnosis of sleep apnea and not narcolepsy I do indeed have a diagnosis of a sleep disorder. This McEwen is nuts.
Come to think of it my argument with Dr. Fleming was not over whether I had a sleep disorder it was over what type of sleep disorder I have. And, it seems to me that no amount of Dexedrine nor Alertec or Ritalin will ever be able to help completely over come my narcoleptic stupor or else one would Imagine I might remember these types of things whenever I talk to a doctor.
But, of course I forgot tell Dr. McEwen that I have a diagnosis of sleep apnea already. Maybe it is concurrent with narcolepsy but given my strange symptoms, I will list them all later there is no doubt, as there was no doubt in the minds of the doctors at Cedar Sinai who did in fact pull my medical charts from Canada, that I do indeed have narcolepsy. My symptoms coupled with a sleep diagnostic indicative of a major sleep disorder leave no room for doubt that I must have some form of narcolepsy. But, Dr. Fleming would not believe me. That is why I stormed out of his after having a lifetime of troubles because of my symtpoms and declared one way or another I would sue him.
And, I did sue him on my own terms in the public court of opinion which is another story to which I will devote another chapter soon.
What a major epiphany. I just talked with my counsellor Emmet from Onsite. I have to discern what is an addiction to crystal meth and what is a legitimate health concern for my sleep.
On the one hand I am angry about my misdiagnosises but on the other my anger is manifesting itself as ways to justify the use of crystal meth. I am still feeling like if I just use meth as a substance to treat my narcolepsy and excessive daytime sleepiness it is justifiable because I am not receiving the type of drug therapy that I need to do this lawfully from the doctor.
I have a feeling that I may be jeopardizing my health and sabotaging my meetings with doctors in order to justify my use of meth. Of course that still does leave me with a substantial problem. What to do about my excessive daytime sleepiness. But, the two can not become one.
That is in fact why I am here at Onsite and planning to go to a recovery house and further treatment for addiction. I in fact have very little hope that I will ever get to see a doctor in Canada for some of the reasons I have outlined who will prroperly diagnose me for my symptoms of narcolepsy but I still do not want to take crystal meth.
So, all this talk of talking meth to doctor my symptoms of narcolepsy is in fact the symptoms of addiction given the fact I was resigned not the take meth even without a proper diagnosis nor treatment with amphetamines.
It is the lifestyle of an addict that I want to avoid. But, it is the benefit of amphetamines that I need to live a whole, complete and substantial life. I have no faith whatsoever in the Canadian medical health care system. I do not believe I will ever get what I need to be well here. But, I was resigned to that sad belief before I came in here to get off from crystal meth and that is what I am focused on.
And, I have you dear Christian American right wing reader who is opposed to this kind of medical system. I always have you to help me see my way through this mess while I wait till I earn myself some money so I can come home again to be with you in the land of opportunity of justice. America, where we don't accept second best as one nation under God. May Jesus who is our King in Heaven find me in your company soon.
My plan is to find myself safe and secure housing with support to be able to continue to write my book to you and do the kind of work I can do on the internet from my bed till I have the money I need to come again so that I may see Dr. Brodski in California who treats me for my symptoms with Ritalin.
Before I went broke in California and faced homelessness, under Dr. Brodski's care and using Ritalin I was able to hold a job registering Republican voters for the mid-term elections that while I only worked for only three months every week day including Saturdays, allowed me to earn enough money to stay in California for eleven whole months. After that the toll of the recession took my ability away from me to find another job and I had to leave California to live once again on my pension in Canada.
I have never succesfully worked for the same company for three months in a row in my whole life. And, it was only because the elections took place that I lost my job. I was never fired nor did I quit. That has never happened to me before and that only happened to me under Dr. Brodskis's care while taking a stronger stimulant than Alertec.
It is such a slap in the face to meet a doctor that calls me delusional when I tell him I have symptoms of narcolepsy. And, his refusal to allow me to see a sleep specialist is the type of criminal mal-practice is of the kind which I speak of that is rife in this country with it's inaqequate mental health care system.
It is one thing for a patient to forget an important detail contained in his medical records it is completely another for a doctor to refuse to request his patients files before he attempts to diagnose someone with something as important as a delusional physchosis.
So far because of this one of my regular doctors, Dr. Marr has been reluctant to refer to sleep specialist as well. Hopefully next week when I see Dr. McEwen again I have this misdiagnosis straightened out. But, I doubt it.
At the very least I have to ask Dr. McEwen to allow my regular pychsican to allow me to see a sleep specialist. But, I swear because this country is the Anti-Christ such an extremely simple request will not be met for me, I am the Christ.
Inwardly I am just laughing at what some people, maybe even you reader, might be thinking; that I must be delusional regardless of my sleep symptoms if I call myself the messiah and the spirit of God in the flesh. But, then again dear reader I remind you of the prophecy of the Ark of the Covenant and what it means to be the one who is to reveal it to you. I can be none other than the second coming of Christ.
That there is something wrong here is easy to see. That I need a second opinion is evident. But, that I will receive an honest one will not come. In Canada one doctor will not contradict another lest they open a floodgate of lawsuits against them.
I just remembered something I can use to counter the extrodinary claims that my symptoms of a sleep disorder are delusional. When I went for my first lab exams Dr. Fleming refused to consider my symptoms of narcolepsy claiming I had cheated on my lab exams but he did in fact claim I had sleep aspnea. So there you fuck wads. it's a sleep disorder and that is on paper by one of your own doctors.
What puzzles me is how is this so called expert in medicine Dr. McEwen going to diagnos me with anything when he will not give me a referal to another sleep doctor nor will pull my charts from other doctors. In all of ten or fifteen minutes he decides I am delusional and prescribes me an anti-phsychotic which in my estimation has done nothing but angered me and caused me to not be able to stop thinking about my sleep disorder. The exact opposite of what he suggested it might do for me.
I will have to tell him this. Not that I think it will help. I think the man himself is suffering a delusion. Considering what I just remembered about Dr. Flemings diagnosis of sleep apnea and not narcolepsy I do indeed have a diagnosis of a sleep disorder. This McEwen is nuts.
Come to think of it my argument with Dr. Fleming was not over whether I had a sleep disorder it was over what type of sleep disorder I have. And, it seems to me that no amount of Dexedrine nor Alertec or Ritalin will ever be able to help completely over come my narcoleptic stupor or else one would Imagine I might remember these types of things whenever I talk to a doctor.
But, of course I forgot tell Dr. McEwen that I have a diagnosis of sleep apnea already. Maybe it is concurrent with narcolepsy but given my strange symptoms, I will list them all later there is no doubt, as there was no doubt in the minds of the doctors at Cedar Sinai who did in fact pull my medical charts from Canada, that I do indeed have narcolepsy. My symptoms coupled with a sleep diagnostic indicative of a major sleep disorder leave no room for doubt that I must have some form of narcolepsy. But, Dr. Fleming would not believe me. That is why I stormed out of his after having a lifetime of troubles because of my symtpoms and declared one way or another I would sue him.
And, I did sue him on my own terms in the public court of opinion which is another story to which I will devote another chapter soon.
What a major epiphany. I just talked with my counsellor Emmet from Onsite. I have to discern what is an addiction to crystal meth and what is a legitimate health concern for my sleep.
On the one hand I am angry about my misdiagnosises but on the other my anger is manifesting itself as ways to justify the use of crystal meth. I am still feeling like if I just use meth as a substance to treat my narcolepsy and excessive daytime sleepiness it is justifiable because I am not receiving the type of drug therapy that I need to do this lawfully from the doctor.
I have a feeling that I may be jeopardizing my health and sabotaging my meetings with doctors in order to justify my use of meth. Of course that still does leave me with a substantial problem. What to do about my excessive daytime sleepiness. But, the two can not become one.
That is in fact why I am here at Onsite and planning to go to a recovery house and further treatment for addiction. I in fact have very little hope that I will ever get to see a doctor in Canada for some of the reasons I have outlined who will prroperly diagnose me for my symptoms of narcolepsy but I still do not want to take crystal meth.
So, all this talk of talking meth to doctor my symptoms of narcolepsy is in fact the symptoms of addiction given the fact I was resigned not the take meth even without a proper diagnosis nor treatment with amphetamines.
It is the lifestyle of an addict that I want to avoid. But, it is the benefit of amphetamines that I need to live a whole, complete and substantial life. I have no faith whatsoever in the Canadian medical health care system. I do not believe I will ever get what I need to be well here. But, I was resigned to that sad belief before I came in here to get off from crystal meth and that is what I am focused on.
And, I have you dear Christian American right wing reader who is opposed to this kind of medical system. I always have you to help me see my way through this mess while I wait till I earn myself some money so I can come home again to be with you in the land of opportunity of justice. America, where we don't accept second best as one nation under God. May Jesus who is our King in Heaven find me in your company soon.
My plan is to find myself safe and secure housing with support to be able to continue to write my book to you and do the kind of work I can do on the internet from my bed till I have the money I need to come again so that I may see Dr. Brodski in California who treats me for my symptoms with Ritalin.
Before I went broke in California and faced homelessness, under Dr. Brodski's care and using Ritalin I was able to hold a job registering Republican voters for the mid-term elections that while I only worked for only three months every week day including Saturdays, allowed me to earn enough money to stay in California for eleven whole months. After that the toll of the recession took my ability away from me to find another job and I had to leave California to live once again on my pension in Canada.
I have never succesfully worked for the same company for three months in a row in my whole life. And, it was only because the elections took place that I lost my job. I was never fired nor did I quit. That has never happened to me before and that only happened to me under Dr. Brodskis's care while taking a stronger stimulant than Alertec.
It is such a slap in the face to meet a doctor that calls me delusional when I tell him I have symptoms of narcolepsy. And, his refusal to allow me to see a sleep specialist is the type of criminal mal-practice is of the kind which I speak of that is rife in this country with it's inaqequate mental health care system.
It is one thing for a patient to forget an important detail contained in his medical records it is completely another for a doctor to refuse to request his patients files before he attempts to diagnose someone with something as important as a delusional physchosis.
So far because of this one of my regular doctors, Dr. Marr has been reluctant to refer to sleep specialist as well. Hopefully next week when I see Dr. McEwen again I have this misdiagnosis straightened out. But, I doubt it.
At the very least I have to ask Dr. McEwen to allow my regular pychsican to allow me to see a sleep specialist. But, I swear because this country is the Anti-Christ such an extremely simple request will not be met for me, I am the Christ.
Inwardly I am just laughing at what some people, maybe even you reader, might be thinking; that I must be delusional regardless of my sleep symptoms if I call myself the messiah and the spirit of God in the flesh. But, then again dear reader I remind you of the prophecy of the Ark of the Covenant and what it means to be the one who is to reveal it to you. I can be none other than the second coming of Christ.
That there is something wrong here is easy to see. That I need a second opinion is evident. But, that I will receive an honest one will not come. In Canada one doctor will not contradict another lest they open a floodgate of lawsuits against them.
Chapter 6
I'm so tired. I think I am gonna wait in Onsite till my housing opporutnity changes and I have more money then I will probably take meth again. Nobody can tell when I am on it. People never see me because I never leave the bed so when they do they haven't anything to compare it too.
I've taken meth once since I have been on Abilify to see what the consequences would be like. There is a side effect of Abilify that counteracts the delirious effects of crystal meth and I really like the results. i get all the energy and none of the agitated anxiety that I need to be doing something all of the time.
Meth is like that. And, fuck the Anti-Christ. Stupid lawless country. On meth and Abilify I will be able to handle all of my lifes needs though they will be cared for in the rehabilitaion house I am going too giving me plenty of time to write this book, work on the net and earn myself some money to get back to America.
Plus, I need all the energy I can get to continue to pester this useless society for a proper doctor of medicine. I can hardly wait. Once I have money, which I make creating websites on the internet and selling advertising I can sue some of these doctors here for their longstanding misdiagnosis of me and donate a portion of the money to the Childrens Charity hospital or maybe a fund that will fly a kid out of this Anti-Christ to have a surgery and bypass this unnessary system of wait lists to have his procedure in the United States. Hell, I'll fly him or her into India or Mexico if I have to.
And, my kids. I'll finally have something monetary to donate to the upbringing of my children to whose mother I donated my sperm because she is a lesbian. That will be nice. I have been disabled since I was seven years old by the symptoms of narcolepsy and I have never been able to hold down even a part-time job because I keep getting fired for falling alseep or being to tired on the job.
At twenty three and at the suggestion of one of the employees at human resources I completed a disability form and have lived on the pension I've mentioned before ever since.
Maybe this time I can even hold a part time job, maybe even a full time job using Abilify to control the delirous effects of meth. I've tried meth and working before but I have never been able to control the addiction of meth's withdrawal symptoms leading to endless days of no sleep, more meth and the delirousness that consequently got me fired again from any job I tried while high. It's a real catch twenty two without a proper doctor prescribing me the proper substances.
Despite it's faults and misleading claims to treat the symptoms of narcolepsy Modaifinl has still been a major boon in my life. The problem with Alertec, modafinils Canadian brand name, is that while it defintely does treat my stuporous behaviour associated with narcolepsy it does not offer me enough stimulation to get out of bed everyday and try and lead a normal and productive life. Currently the manufacturer of Alertec is under indictment in 27 countries for marketing it's product with false and misleading claims.
To give Alertec it's due it does work enough to keep me alert and awake. it is just that as a full blown narcoleptic suffering from excessive daytime sleepiness it is not quite strong enough to carry me through a whole day without suffering from insatiable desires to lie down and fall asleep. These desires get so uncomfortable each day that I can not stand up nor sit long enough to complete a full days work.
I write this entire manuscript lying alone in bed all day long with just enough energy to eat and go to bathroom. I still do not have enough energy to bathe daily, nor cook for myself nor clean.
But, I can concentrate like a mad man. I am able to focus on conversations to such a degree that the counsellors here do not even believe I have narcolepsy anymore. They have sided with the doctor who has wrongly assumed my conditions are delusional. I can't help it. I'm smart. I know my symptoms. I know their causes. I am quite articulate about it. And, when I talk about I sound like a text book and I am not able to dumb it down for these idiots.
What am I to do? I am on a brain drug. Alertec is known to like steroids for the mind and when I was a child I scored well into the top 5 percent of Canadian IQ's on a nation wide sholastic exam. I quit high school, I flunked out of college with a 1.5 gpa but, as you can see I am still quite capable of expressing myself quite well. And, as I write is also as how I also grasp the world around me. I also think in these terms all the time.
But, my intelligence has done nothing to help me. One the contrary my intelligence has done nothing but alienate me from the general public. That I can not speak in anything but clear and direct tones with an encylcopedia like grasp of my symptoms has done nothing but convince most people, except for the exceptional doctors I met at Cedar Sinai who treated me for narcolepsy without a problem, that I must somehow be lying, or cheating or trying to somehow trying to pass off textbook knowledge as experience.
There is a saying I can not soar like and eagle when I am surrounded by turkeys. And, I will not accept second best. And, in the name of God whose messenger I am I have swore verngeance upon this community. Let me human tongue be sword. I will cut you to ribbons in this book. But, remember it is my spirit that will remove you from the book of life for having fucked with me. I am the Christ.
You do not know me. I am least understood of all of the bible. And, how I will laugh as the Anti-Christ who reads this book and denies God as my spirit in the flesh and calls me delusional and psychotic is condemned. I am that angel which a wise man fears but a foolish proud man tries to pass judegment upon to avoid my eternal judgement. It can not happen. I am a spirit. And, you are just a mortal man. Delicious my dinner will be as I consumed the Christ I will consume you and either take you to Heaven or not.
I've taken meth once since I have been on Abilify to see what the consequences would be like. There is a side effect of Abilify that counteracts the delirious effects of crystal meth and I really like the results. i get all the energy and none of the agitated anxiety that I need to be doing something all of the time.
Meth is like that. And, fuck the Anti-Christ. Stupid lawless country. On meth and Abilify I will be able to handle all of my lifes needs though they will be cared for in the rehabilitaion house I am going too giving me plenty of time to write this book, work on the net and earn myself some money to get back to America.
Plus, I need all the energy I can get to continue to pester this useless society for a proper doctor of medicine. I can hardly wait. Once I have money, which I make creating websites on the internet and selling advertising I can sue some of these doctors here for their longstanding misdiagnosis of me and donate a portion of the money to the Childrens Charity hospital or maybe a fund that will fly a kid out of this Anti-Christ to have a surgery and bypass this unnessary system of wait lists to have his procedure in the United States. Hell, I'll fly him or her into India or Mexico if I have to.
And, my kids. I'll finally have something monetary to donate to the upbringing of my children to whose mother I donated my sperm because she is a lesbian. That will be nice. I have been disabled since I was seven years old by the symptoms of narcolepsy and I have never been able to hold down even a part-time job because I keep getting fired for falling alseep or being to tired on the job.
At twenty three and at the suggestion of one of the employees at human resources I completed a disability form and have lived on the pension I've mentioned before ever since.
Maybe this time I can even hold a part time job, maybe even a full time job using Abilify to control the delirous effects of meth. I've tried meth and working before but I have never been able to control the addiction of meth's withdrawal symptoms leading to endless days of no sleep, more meth and the delirousness that consequently got me fired again from any job I tried while high. It's a real catch twenty two without a proper doctor prescribing me the proper substances.
Despite it's faults and misleading claims to treat the symptoms of narcolepsy Modaifinl has still been a major boon in my life. The problem with Alertec, modafinils Canadian brand name, is that while it defintely does treat my stuporous behaviour associated with narcolepsy it does not offer me enough stimulation to get out of bed everyday and try and lead a normal and productive life. Currently the manufacturer of Alertec is under indictment in 27 countries for marketing it's product with false and misleading claims.
To give Alertec it's due it does work enough to keep me alert and awake. it is just that as a full blown narcoleptic suffering from excessive daytime sleepiness it is not quite strong enough to carry me through a whole day without suffering from insatiable desires to lie down and fall asleep. These desires get so uncomfortable each day that I can not stand up nor sit long enough to complete a full days work.
I write this entire manuscript lying alone in bed all day long with just enough energy to eat and go to bathroom. I still do not have enough energy to bathe daily, nor cook for myself nor clean.
But, I can concentrate like a mad man. I am able to focus on conversations to such a degree that the counsellors here do not even believe I have narcolepsy anymore. They have sided with the doctor who has wrongly assumed my conditions are delusional. I can't help it. I'm smart. I know my symptoms. I know their causes. I am quite articulate about it. And, when I talk about I sound like a text book and I am not able to dumb it down for these idiots.
What am I to do? I am on a brain drug. Alertec is known to like steroids for the mind and when I was a child I scored well into the top 5 percent of Canadian IQ's on a nation wide sholastic exam. I quit high school, I flunked out of college with a 1.5 gpa but, as you can see I am still quite capable of expressing myself quite well. And, as I write is also as how I also grasp the world around me. I also think in these terms all the time.
But, my intelligence has done nothing to help me. One the contrary my intelligence has done nothing but alienate me from the general public. That I can not speak in anything but clear and direct tones with an encylcopedia like grasp of my symptoms has done nothing but convince most people, except for the exceptional doctors I met at Cedar Sinai who treated me for narcolepsy without a problem, that I must somehow be lying, or cheating or trying to somehow trying to pass off textbook knowledge as experience.
There is a saying I can not soar like and eagle when I am surrounded by turkeys. And, I will not accept second best. And, in the name of God whose messenger I am I have swore verngeance upon this community. Let me human tongue be sword. I will cut you to ribbons in this book. But, remember it is my spirit that will remove you from the book of life for having fucked with me. I am the Christ.
You do not know me. I am least understood of all of the bible. And, how I will laugh as the Anti-Christ who reads this book and denies God as my spirit in the flesh and calls me delusional and psychotic is condemned. I am that angel which a wise man fears but a foolish proud man tries to pass judegment upon to avoid my eternal judgement. It can not happen. I am a spirit. And, you are just a mortal man. Delicious my dinner will be as I consumed the Christ I will consume you and either take you to Heaven or not.
Chapter 5
I'd like to try and shop my book around a little bit by taking it to writers clubs and reading it a little bit. I wonder how this kind of apocalyptic writing will go over here since I am living in Canada. But, no better than the belly of the beast to dine on my feast.
Maybe after I move to the much safer neighborhood of downtown Vancouver as aopposed to where Onsite os situated which is right in the heart of the downtown eastside of Vancouver I will go. I hate even walking outside the door here with it's open air drug market and all. It is the Anti-Christ and I do not need to be reminded of it.
3/16/2012
Socialist mediciine flies in the face of democracy, I just thought coming back in from the outside of Onsite looking at all of the disgruntled faces moping by. How many of these people have a legitimate medical diagnosis that is not being treated properly my a doctor?
Many I presume. And, how many of these people sleeping on the sidewalk have a sleep disorder? Waiting for the staff to buzz me back in I had and insatiable desire to lie down and wait. This is nuts. If my sleep medicine, Modifinil, can help me stand up for even just the five minutes it takes for someone to open the door for me how many others could my sleep medicine help who seemingly have the same desire to lie down all of the time. I mean it's obvious. The state of pyschiatry under this Canadian medical health care model, so often lauded, is frankly deplorable.
My estimation is that the underlying diagnosis of most of these street people is not neccesarly homelessness and drug addiction but something far more benign like a common sleep disorder. But, how are ever to find out when so much money is being spent on drug addiction and not common medicine. If the vast majority of people in Canada are well enough to work and pay taxes why is their money being spent to treat only secondary symptoms of common disorders. It is not democratic. But socialized medicine is not democratic by nature. It is a system that squanders the talents of so many doctors with a lack of funding that only privitazed medicine can offer.
The problem is not the doctors it is the system. That doctors want and are able to help people is a given. But, that they are not able to manage their own resources and funding in Canada is what hinders them. Between Ottawa's draconian grip on BC's healthcare funding and freetrade which is another subject unto itself no wonder I find myself in this bind.
The medical healthcare system in Canada is not free. What we pay for in abundance we lose in quality. The brain drain of qualified specilists like I need to see is quietly killing some of us. Recently the government of BC in response to Ottawa's insistence thhat the docotors here in this province can not fund themselves has been to institute death panels; lists of patients who will no longer see qualified medical specialists in favor of seeing general physicians who will offer them preventative care models instead of proper diagnosis; Now they longer die on wait lists they just die. Which satifies the socialist number crunchers but does nothing but kill, disable or destroy patients.
This is a model in a democracy to watch out for. It is not democratic. The two different systems can not work together. Their is only one solution to socialist medical brain drain and that is to build a wall and keep well trained Canadian specilists from emigrating. It is obvious. Canada must run the gamut of socialism if it is to stop the drain of talented doctors from this country. We the people of this so called democracy are suffering. It drains our substance to eat the lie in the face of the depravity of the ever swelling numbers of un and underdiagnosed sick who fragment our society into the well and not well by sleeping on the sidewalk where we see them but still insist that Canada is the best.
It is not. It is simply not. And, no amount of sticking our heads into the sand and trying to ignore the basic problem of human suffering without hope which is the basis of what eats out the hearts and minds and substance of Canadian youth will ever alleviate the problem. It is a country in dire straights. Yet our stubborn pride and continuing insistence that we have beat the devil is what is killing us inside.
We have not beat the devil in Canada. He is killing us slowly and systemically inside with his stubborn pride in the face of his evil that all is well and we are the best. It is not true. it is a lie. It is false government. To take from a surgeon one hand and demand he or she practice good stitching is foolish. Those stiches will never be sewn up tight. That tear in the fabric of humanity that only a skilled and qulaified doctor of medicine free to pratice with both hands can ever sew up is never sewn.
His patients line the welfare aisles, they sleep in the sewer, they fall alseep on the subway and are tossed off, they talk to themselves and scream outloud in public nonsensical utterings, they damn the fools to no avail; but all they need is a good doctor to hear them and help them. But, the doctors in Canada have one hand tied to Ottowa and can not reach their patients. The cost of this is enormous.
One handed doctors can hardly but bandage the sick, the dying and the wounded when full sticthes are required. We have nurses to do the job but not many when many are required. We have facilities bougt and payed for by lotteries and bake sales and donations and love and charity and kindness but not a doctor's salary to staff these facilities in BC.
We have poor children on wait lists not for a hospital but for a qualified doctor of medicine to treat them for their ailments. But, still Ottawa's pride will not allow for a bake sale, a church, a donation, not even God to pay for their doctor. It is the Anti-Christ.
My life here in Canada has been ruined by a beurocratic system that leaves me no diagnosis, no medical trreatment for my symptoms and Heaven forbid that I should complain nor criticize the Canadian way lest I be branded pyschotic. Many a good woman in this land should know of what I speak. Pyschiatry in this land of Canada is deplorable and the lack of fully trained and qualified specialists leads to an influx of Canadian women misdignosed as psychotic because the doctors they see are not trained to understand whatever other symptoms of a myriad of common conditions they may have.
I am the angel of God. And, I hate this country for it's subborn insistence that it is the best. It is not. It is the Anti-Christ as described in the second testament. Ten provinces as horns in the crown of Satan the Devil who lies in the face of God and misleads the people. So, stick your head in the sand a little further Canadians for if I need become Satan the Devil too in order to lop it off from down below you know that I will. I am almighty. My tongue is a sword Canadians but my sword is a sword. And, you play with me for your mortal souls.
I have come with this warning to the world over. Canada is the Anti-Christ. And, there shall be no system like it in the Garden of Eden. Nor, shall there be any too proud Canadian who supports it with blinders on in full. You have been fooled and and assembled here by Satan the Devil for me to pass my judgement on. And, my judgment is thus. You are not coming. You cannot be my helpers over my Kingdoms of Goodness with blinders on like this. You are the Anti-Christ and proud of it.
Maybe after I move to the much safer neighborhood of downtown Vancouver as aopposed to where Onsite os situated which is right in the heart of the downtown eastside of Vancouver I will go. I hate even walking outside the door here with it's open air drug market and all. It is the Anti-Christ and I do not need to be reminded of it.
3/16/2012
Socialist mediciine flies in the face of democracy, I just thought coming back in from the outside of Onsite looking at all of the disgruntled faces moping by. How many of these people have a legitimate medical diagnosis that is not being treated properly my a doctor?
Many I presume. And, how many of these people sleeping on the sidewalk have a sleep disorder? Waiting for the staff to buzz me back in I had and insatiable desire to lie down and wait. This is nuts. If my sleep medicine, Modifinil, can help me stand up for even just the five minutes it takes for someone to open the door for me how many others could my sleep medicine help who seemingly have the same desire to lie down all of the time. I mean it's obvious. The state of pyschiatry under this Canadian medical health care model, so often lauded, is frankly deplorable.
My estimation is that the underlying diagnosis of most of these street people is not neccesarly homelessness and drug addiction but something far more benign like a common sleep disorder. But, how are ever to find out when so much money is being spent on drug addiction and not common medicine. If the vast majority of people in Canada are well enough to work and pay taxes why is their money being spent to treat only secondary symptoms of common disorders. It is not democratic. But socialized medicine is not democratic by nature. It is a system that squanders the talents of so many doctors with a lack of funding that only privitazed medicine can offer.
The problem is not the doctors it is the system. That doctors want and are able to help people is a given. But, that they are not able to manage their own resources and funding in Canada is what hinders them. Between Ottawa's draconian grip on BC's healthcare funding and freetrade which is another subject unto itself no wonder I find myself in this bind.
The medical healthcare system in Canada is not free. What we pay for in abundance we lose in quality. The brain drain of qualified specilists like I need to see is quietly killing some of us. Recently the government of BC in response to Ottawa's insistence thhat the docotors here in this province can not fund themselves has been to institute death panels; lists of patients who will no longer see qualified medical specialists in favor of seeing general physicians who will offer them preventative care models instead of proper diagnosis; Now they longer die on wait lists they just die. Which satifies the socialist number crunchers but does nothing but kill, disable or destroy patients.
This is a model in a democracy to watch out for. It is not democratic. The two different systems can not work together. Their is only one solution to socialist medical brain drain and that is to build a wall and keep well trained Canadian specilists from emigrating. It is obvious. Canada must run the gamut of socialism if it is to stop the drain of talented doctors from this country. We the people of this so called democracy are suffering. It drains our substance to eat the lie in the face of the depravity of the ever swelling numbers of un and underdiagnosed sick who fragment our society into the well and not well by sleeping on the sidewalk where we see them but still insist that Canada is the best.
It is not. It is simply not. And, no amount of sticking our heads into the sand and trying to ignore the basic problem of human suffering without hope which is the basis of what eats out the hearts and minds and substance of Canadian youth will ever alleviate the problem. It is a country in dire straights. Yet our stubborn pride and continuing insistence that we have beat the devil is what is killing us inside.
We have not beat the devil in Canada. He is killing us slowly and systemically inside with his stubborn pride in the face of his evil that all is well and we are the best. It is not true. it is a lie. It is false government. To take from a surgeon one hand and demand he or she practice good stitching is foolish. Those stiches will never be sewn up tight. That tear in the fabric of humanity that only a skilled and qulaified doctor of medicine free to pratice with both hands can ever sew up is never sewn.
His patients line the welfare aisles, they sleep in the sewer, they fall alseep on the subway and are tossed off, they talk to themselves and scream outloud in public nonsensical utterings, they damn the fools to no avail; but all they need is a good doctor to hear them and help them. But, the doctors in Canada have one hand tied to Ottowa and can not reach their patients. The cost of this is enormous.
One handed doctors can hardly but bandage the sick, the dying and the wounded when full sticthes are required. We have nurses to do the job but not many when many are required. We have facilities bougt and payed for by lotteries and bake sales and donations and love and charity and kindness but not a doctor's salary to staff these facilities in BC.
We have poor children on wait lists not for a hospital but for a qualified doctor of medicine to treat them for their ailments. But, still Ottawa's pride will not allow for a bake sale, a church, a donation, not even God to pay for their doctor. It is the Anti-Christ.
My life here in Canada has been ruined by a beurocratic system that leaves me no diagnosis, no medical trreatment for my symptoms and Heaven forbid that I should complain nor criticize the Canadian way lest I be branded pyschotic. Many a good woman in this land should know of what I speak. Pyschiatry in this land of Canada is deplorable and the lack of fully trained and qualified specialists leads to an influx of Canadian women misdignosed as psychotic because the doctors they see are not trained to understand whatever other symptoms of a myriad of common conditions they may have.
I am the angel of God. And, I hate this country for it's subborn insistence that it is the best. It is not. It is the Anti-Christ as described in the second testament. Ten provinces as horns in the crown of Satan the Devil who lies in the face of God and misleads the people. So, stick your head in the sand a little further Canadians for if I need become Satan the Devil too in order to lop it off from down below you know that I will. I am almighty. My tongue is a sword Canadians but my sword is a sword. And, you play with me for your mortal souls.
I have come with this warning to the world over. Canada is the Anti-Christ. And, there shall be no system like it in the Garden of Eden. Nor, shall there be any too proud Canadian who supports it with blinders on in full. You have been fooled and and assembled here by Satan the Devil for me to pass my judgement on. And, my judgment is thus. You are not coming. You cannot be my helpers over my Kingdoms of Goodness with blinders on like this. You are the Anti-Christ and proud of it.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Chapter 4
3/15/2012
I am just gonna have to see a sleep doctor. It makes no sense to Dr. McEwen unless I am taking crystal meth. And, I may just do that. Heaven knows this book will be done in a jiffy if I do. I want to try Nuvigul.
What is the worst is the thought that in order to try Dexedrine as a replacement therapy for crystal meth which is what Dr. McEwen does I have to be on crystal meth. And, I am going to be soon enough if somebody doesn't cave in here and send me to a sleep doctor to treat my symptoms instead. The basis by which this doctor is operating is illegality.
That is why Stephen Harper the prime minister of Canada does not agree with this operation and the idea of subsitution therapies for addicts. It takes money and time away from legitimate therapies and diagnosis of legitimate symptoms that require classified substances.
Never mind treating my symptoms as delusional and offering me dexedrine so long as I take crystal meth. This is grossly illegal. How about refering me to a sleep doctor for a proper diagnosis and proper medication in a properly functioning democratic society.
What I have is called a hidden disorder. I just talked to my drug counsellor about my triggers and he, again, addamantly denies that I have the symptoms of narcolepsy. He calls my symptomology drug seeking behaviour. It may be that. But, the underlying diagnosis of of my drug seeking behaviour can not be addiction based on my symptoms. It must be narcolepsy.
It's just this type of ignorance of the medical condition of narcolepsy, my subsequent non diagnosis and proper treatment that does in fact drive me to drink so to speak. But, to call my drug addiction counsellor ignorant is unfair and rude. Phil, in particular is very profesional and he knows a great deal about addiction. What I mean by ignorant is he is neither a sufferer of narcolepsy nor a doctor of sleep medicine. Whereas I am at least one of the above.
What drives me to drink the most and by that I mean to seek out alternative and illegal therapies to narcolepsy and it's symptom of excessive daytime sleepiness is the inability to talk about it. It is the hopelessness of dealing with a city of unqualified people in a round about circle that has demonstrated itself as an addiction to crystal meth. That is why I need to see a sleep doctor. If not for the medications then for the peace of mind it gives me to talk about my health to a qualified professional.
I am so tired everyday I can hardly bathe myself let alone cook and clean and work and find friends and so on. I wonder how this book is gonna get done. Maybe I should wait till I get into the housing my drug and alcohol counsellor is getting me to start taking little amounts of crystal meth again because I will have more money then.
Currently I am staying in the Onsite drug detox and temporary housing facility. Here I am provided with all my meals, counselling and shelter. It is a decent place for me except that they take all but ninety five dollars of my disablity allowance. I hardly have any money for drugs after I pay for my mobile internet connection and phone. Plus, the expense of cigarettes. But, they allot me 5 cigarettes a day here to stay indoors and of course I have a hard time justifying them as a legitimate concern. I am such a hard boiled, stone cold conservative my morals and my judgements will not allow to weep over the cost of cigarettes while I am so adequately cared for at Onsite. And, they give me five smokes anyways.
Don't get me wrong. I believe in charity, of course, and helping the needy. My only concern is for the taxpayers whose money I use to stay in a shelter like this. I wish it was from the church and donation or tithing only. But, like Jesus in the Christ before me said "Be in the now and render onto Ceaser what ios Ceasers". So, if Ceaser in this case the Queen of England, at this time of writing, has seen it upon herself to support me with charity for my disability then so be it. It is her's then my care. And, God Bless the Queen of England for her kindness and charity.
That is how I see it anyways as a conservative. And, since it is the Queens personal exchequer in Canada who rubber stamps all of my disablity payments I recieve them not from the federal government but from her kindness, her her heart and her soul. And, again God bless her. Though I am not a Canadian citizen, I am only a permanent resident, and so long as my two countries interests do not collide, I am American, I stand on guard for thee mam for all your kindness and for your family and succesor.
I have not been able to maintain a residence and an income all these years without your personal help mam. And, to myself, my other half in Heaven, the father to whom I am His angel I will put in a huge good word for you and yours. I have done the research and the Queen of England has to her credit more needy people on some form of disability allowance from her own personal exchequers accounts than any other person in the world. God bless the Queen of England, what a wonderful, kind, God fearing and thoughtful woman.
---
I just came back from Talking Circle a program put on the aboriginal peoples here in Vancouver for the benifit of the recovering addict. It was great. I got a chance to exclaim my desire to write a book aimed at the American conservative to whom all these issues I put forth here in this book they hold so dearly close to their heart. And, it's funny but it is the aboriginal peoples of Canada who know all too well the meaning of the words from the American Declaration of Indenpendence what it is to have ones peoples substance eaten away by the British colonial system. And, in my case the here in British Columbia Canada the British Colonial system of doctors. I can see in their eyes the empathy towards my plight as an American Immigrant in Canada.
I call this place the asshole of pyschiatry around the world. I am expected to suffer in silence and not criticize the ways of the governement lest I be branded delusional and psychotic. Some, second opinion I recieve here when one doctor will not contradict the next lest they be sued. The entire basis of the effective costs of socialized or single payer medicine rests upon a lack of civil litigation to drive up the costs in the case of bad doctoring. It is a horrible system where good doctors leave and bad doctors practice in an absence of common law.
Not to mention the entire illegality of the down town easty side of Vancouver, BC where misdiagnosis, no diagnosis and malpratice are aqs common among patients as are their legitimate concerns being unmet. I should take you here on day to see the sewer one of the so called greatest places to live in the world that is not Vancouver tries so desperately to legitimize as some grand experiment in rife drug addiction, crime and lawlessness.
I wish someone would come here and arrest this cities doctors who are involved in so called substition therapy for addiction. These people if they shoukld require sheduled substances as therapy are in need then of a proper medical diagnosis for their underlying condition which drives them to self medicate. Anything less is malpratice. This cities counsellors need to be arrested and charged with running one of the worlds most notorious open air and illegal drug markets. Not lauded for their civil failures. This is a disgrace for the whole world to see. But, it is especially the American conservative in need of of an argument against so called "liberal" intervention in health care looks like in the end. It is a sewer of poverty pimping agencies trying to bandage wounds in a society their kind of liberal governance creates, slum lords running boudoir parlors without law, bad doctors performing wild experiments on poeple and the people themselves, in need of common and civil law, going without. It is not justice for the peace.
Please come here American Republican and please see this place and document and note it for our future survival as a nation under God. This is not the way. This is the path to hell and one only need come here and see it for themselves. Hell is but a sliver of an inch away from this poor impoverished and in laymans terms civil social structure of a liberal governments making. The prophecy of people walking around with open festering boils on their faces in the face of Christ has come. I am here. And, so are they. They severly wounded by the very false, stubborn and too proud government of Vancouver, BC. This is a disaster in city governance. This is an Anti-Christ.
Please come here stubborn American who will not walk down the path of good intentions with the liberals to hell. Please come and be witness to this atrocity and never allow this to happen in America.
We have slums, we have ghettoes, we have poverty, we have mistakes but we have never allowed the rampant lawlessness of the downtown east side of Vancouver, the devil, to roam free like this America. Compared to Vancouver the Skid Road area of Los Angeles looks a like a little slice of Heaven and Paradise just waiting to come together and be restored. I mean it. I've been there. It's true. God Bless America for keeping the law above itself and doing it right by law or not doing it all.
This city has dragged this country so far under it, the lawlessness of it, that the authorities are now the accused and because of it their shall be no justice under Canada's criminal code. It's the doom of this country. As if I were an angel in Rome spelling out the fate of the empire so I am that angel in Canada. I am God's wrath. I am His Angel. So says the bible of the one who is to discover the power of the Ark of the Covenant and deliver it to Jerusalem as I have done. I will be God in Christ by the Host, His Spirit.
To the vast majority of the faithless people in Vancouver it is to hell that you will be damned and it is your country and nation that you will take with you. To the faithful you shall recieve your judgments as agreed. For, I am the only one who can take your judgement away from you and damn you forthright. As I have done to this Godless abomination, Vancouver, to it's country and to it's generations.
By your fruit I shall know thee and this fruit baby is rotten to the core. While I am a man it is my tongue that you will deal with. While I am an angel it is my sword.
I am just gonna have to see a sleep doctor. It makes no sense to Dr. McEwen unless I am taking crystal meth. And, I may just do that. Heaven knows this book will be done in a jiffy if I do. I want to try Nuvigul.
What is the worst is the thought that in order to try Dexedrine as a replacement therapy for crystal meth which is what Dr. McEwen does I have to be on crystal meth. And, I am going to be soon enough if somebody doesn't cave in here and send me to a sleep doctor to treat my symptoms instead. The basis by which this doctor is operating is illegality.
That is why Stephen Harper the prime minister of Canada does not agree with this operation and the idea of subsitution therapies for addicts. It takes money and time away from legitimate therapies and diagnosis of legitimate symptoms that require classified substances.
Never mind treating my symptoms as delusional and offering me dexedrine so long as I take crystal meth. This is grossly illegal. How about refering me to a sleep doctor for a proper diagnosis and proper medication in a properly functioning democratic society.
What I have is called a hidden disorder. I just talked to my drug counsellor about my triggers and he, again, addamantly denies that I have the symptoms of narcolepsy. He calls my symptomology drug seeking behaviour. It may be that. But, the underlying diagnosis of of my drug seeking behaviour can not be addiction based on my symptoms. It must be narcolepsy.
It's just this type of ignorance of the medical condition of narcolepsy, my subsequent non diagnosis and proper treatment that does in fact drive me to drink so to speak. But, to call my drug addiction counsellor ignorant is unfair and rude. Phil, in particular is very profesional and he knows a great deal about addiction. What I mean by ignorant is he is neither a sufferer of narcolepsy nor a doctor of sleep medicine. Whereas I am at least one of the above.
What drives me to drink the most and by that I mean to seek out alternative and illegal therapies to narcolepsy and it's symptom of excessive daytime sleepiness is the inability to talk about it. It is the hopelessness of dealing with a city of unqualified people in a round about circle that has demonstrated itself as an addiction to crystal meth. That is why I need to see a sleep doctor. If not for the medications then for the peace of mind it gives me to talk about my health to a qualified professional.
I am so tired everyday I can hardly bathe myself let alone cook and clean and work and find friends and so on. I wonder how this book is gonna get done. Maybe I should wait till I get into the housing my drug and alcohol counsellor is getting me to start taking little amounts of crystal meth again because I will have more money then.
Currently I am staying in the Onsite drug detox and temporary housing facility. Here I am provided with all my meals, counselling and shelter. It is a decent place for me except that they take all but ninety five dollars of my disablity allowance. I hardly have any money for drugs after I pay for my mobile internet connection and phone. Plus, the expense of cigarettes. But, they allot me 5 cigarettes a day here to stay indoors and of course I have a hard time justifying them as a legitimate concern. I am such a hard boiled, stone cold conservative my morals and my judgements will not allow to weep over the cost of cigarettes while I am so adequately cared for at Onsite. And, they give me five smokes anyways.
Don't get me wrong. I believe in charity, of course, and helping the needy. My only concern is for the taxpayers whose money I use to stay in a shelter like this. I wish it was from the church and donation or tithing only. But, like Jesus in the Christ before me said "Be in the now and render onto Ceaser what ios Ceasers". So, if Ceaser in this case the Queen of England, at this time of writing, has seen it upon herself to support me with charity for my disability then so be it. It is her's then my care. And, God Bless the Queen of England for her kindness and charity.
That is how I see it anyways as a conservative. And, since it is the Queens personal exchequer in Canada who rubber stamps all of my disablity payments I recieve them not from the federal government but from her kindness, her her heart and her soul. And, again God bless her. Though I am not a Canadian citizen, I am only a permanent resident, and so long as my two countries interests do not collide, I am American, I stand on guard for thee mam for all your kindness and for your family and succesor.
I have not been able to maintain a residence and an income all these years without your personal help mam. And, to myself, my other half in Heaven, the father to whom I am His angel I will put in a huge good word for you and yours. I have done the research and the Queen of England has to her credit more needy people on some form of disability allowance from her own personal exchequers accounts than any other person in the world. God bless the Queen of England, what a wonderful, kind, God fearing and thoughtful woman.
---
I just came back from Talking Circle a program put on the aboriginal peoples here in Vancouver for the benifit of the recovering addict. It was great. I got a chance to exclaim my desire to write a book aimed at the American conservative to whom all these issues I put forth here in this book they hold so dearly close to their heart. And, it's funny but it is the aboriginal peoples of Canada who know all too well the meaning of the words from the American Declaration of Indenpendence what it is to have ones peoples substance eaten away by the British colonial system. And, in my case the here in British Columbia Canada the British Colonial system of doctors. I can see in their eyes the empathy towards my plight as an American Immigrant in Canada.
I call this place the asshole of pyschiatry around the world. I am expected to suffer in silence and not criticize the ways of the governement lest I be branded delusional and psychotic. Some, second opinion I recieve here when one doctor will not contradict the next lest they be sued. The entire basis of the effective costs of socialized or single payer medicine rests upon a lack of civil litigation to drive up the costs in the case of bad doctoring. It is a horrible system where good doctors leave and bad doctors practice in an absence of common law.
Not to mention the entire illegality of the down town easty side of Vancouver, BC where misdiagnosis, no diagnosis and malpratice are aqs common among patients as are their legitimate concerns being unmet. I should take you here on day to see the sewer one of the so called greatest places to live in the world that is not Vancouver tries so desperately to legitimize as some grand experiment in rife drug addiction, crime and lawlessness.
I wish someone would come here and arrest this cities doctors who are involved in so called substition therapy for addiction. These people if they shoukld require sheduled substances as therapy are in need then of a proper medical diagnosis for their underlying condition which drives them to self medicate. Anything less is malpratice. This cities counsellors need to be arrested and charged with running one of the worlds most notorious open air and illegal drug markets. Not lauded for their civil failures. This is a disgrace for the whole world to see. But, it is especially the American conservative in need of of an argument against so called "liberal" intervention in health care looks like in the end. It is a sewer of poverty pimping agencies trying to bandage wounds in a society their kind of liberal governance creates, slum lords running boudoir parlors without law, bad doctors performing wild experiments on poeple and the people themselves, in need of common and civil law, going without. It is not justice for the peace.
Please come here American Republican and please see this place and document and note it for our future survival as a nation under God. This is not the way. This is the path to hell and one only need come here and see it for themselves. Hell is but a sliver of an inch away from this poor impoverished and in laymans terms civil social structure of a liberal governments making. The prophecy of people walking around with open festering boils on their faces in the face of Christ has come. I am here. And, so are they. They severly wounded by the very false, stubborn and too proud government of Vancouver, BC. This is a disaster in city governance. This is an Anti-Christ.
Please come here stubborn American who will not walk down the path of good intentions with the liberals to hell. Please come and be witness to this atrocity and never allow this to happen in America.
We have slums, we have ghettoes, we have poverty, we have mistakes but we have never allowed the rampant lawlessness of the downtown east side of Vancouver, the devil, to roam free like this America. Compared to Vancouver the Skid Road area of Los Angeles looks a like a little slice of Heaven and Paradise just waiting to come together and be restored. I mean it. I've been there. It's true. God Bless America for keeping the law above itself and doing it right by law or not doing it all.
This city has dragged this country so far under it, the lawlessness of it, that the authorities are now the accused and because of it their shall be no justice under Canada's criminal code. It's the doom of this country. As if I were an angel in Rome spelling out the fate of the empire so I am that angel in Canada. I am God's wrath. I am His Angel. So says the bible of the one who is to discover the power of the Ark of the Covenant and deliver it to Jerusalem as I have done. I will be God in Christ by the Host, His Spirit.
To the vast majority of the faithless people in Vancouver it is to hell that you will be damned and it is your country and nation that you will take with you. To the faithful you shall recieve your judgments as agreed. For, I am the only one who can take your judgement away from you and damn you forthright. As I have done to this Godless abomination, Vancouver, to it's country and to it's generations.
By your fruit I shall know thee and this fruit baby is rotten to the core. While I am a man it is my tongue that you will deal with. While I am an angel it is my sword.
Chapter 3
Image via Wikipedia
Image via WikipediaWhen I checked into Cedar Sinai I was in the same shape. I was scared for my health and I was scared for my life because I was beginning to wonder what would it take to get help? Suicide? All I have is fucking narcolepsy and all I need is a doctor of sleep medicine to help me with my prescriptions.
I still feel desperate today as of writing this. What does it take?
The only thing that makes me feel better today is writing this book. It makes me think that it is a way for me to get back all the years I lost to this horrible condition. If it wasn't for this sense of vengeance that writing a tell all book about my life has for me then I don't know what I would do. Maybe check into psychiatry again, suicidal, because I have no other way to address the need in my life to feel better and get well again.
What scares me the most when I feel this way is all the medications I take. Especially this new drug Abilify. I don't know why the doctor put me on this. I think tomorrow I have to not take it. And, next week when I see him I will have to tell him why.
This whole thing has been a big mistake; To ask for help with narcolepsy again. I am not psychotic because I want to sue Dr. Fleming who misdiagnosed me. I am not delusional. The only thing I need is stronger sleep medicine for my symptoms.
The Dr. McEwen himself has told that he cannot treat me for narcolepsy so I don't knpow what he thinks he is doing. I think he himself is delusional. I have been decribing my sleep symptoms for 10 years to various doctors in the Anti-Christ (city of Vancouver) but to suggest I am delusional in the face of my symptomology and lab tests is in and of itself delusional.
I have to stop seeing him and ask Dr. Marr for a referal to another doctor.
Can you imagine if I told him about my religious beliefs - I am the Angel of God??? Like I said I never would. Religion and physchiatry do not mix. But, I am the only person in the world who can back that claim up with a religious prophecy all my own - the revelation of the Ark to Jerusalem.
Satan may have twisted this world but I am no fool. You may be wondering why hasn't there been more news or something about this revelation/prophecy/discovery of mine. Well, the biggest reason is because this is the first time I ever concentrated and wrote a whole book about it, and the effect it's discovery has had on my life. And, two because I delivered the revelation of the Ark to Jerusalem in secret.
I don't want to destroy the worlds faiths. I don't want to harm peoples beliefs. And, I really don't want certain groups of people to try and do those things with this information. The pot of Manna in the ark was amphetamines. And, if you synthesize all of the ingredients of the ark in the bible together as described you will have syntehised amphetamines. The Ark of Thy God's Strength - go figure.
If this bothers you then be reminded of Satans corruption. Be reminded the bible is the truth. But, also be reminded that prophecy is prophecy and this one has been along time coming.
If I told you Canada is the Anti-Christ then maybe now you might believe me. This all happened to me seven years ago and since then many, many people have known about it in Canada and all so far have decided to deny God in me - the second coming of Christ.
It is a Satanic plot to keep me from not being well and out of the lime light. Whether or not the people involved are aware of their collective actions from denying I am the messiah to denying I have narcolepsy is a moot point and irrelavent. Their actions are their own. And, the days of forgiveness are over and now are the days of judgement. One can no longer blame the devil. By know in your development as my possible helpers again in Heaven you should know the difference between right and wrong.
You don't suspect someone to be the Christ then deny him at every turn because of his accusations of corruption of your government, which I have done in Canada, which is to be expected of me and my coming at any old time, I am God's messenger, His angel, which will now finally in this soon to be run away smash hit and bestseller be revealed now.
And, in naming Canada the Anti-Christ which means so many things one must remember I am the Christ with Gods message. And, Gods war is against the false and Anti-Christs governments of this world who will not heed His message. So, when I talk you jump or be destroyed. Canada eats out it's peoples substance. And, I do not like this. You will not bring this country into the Kingdom of Heaven and you, Canadians, will not be bringing yourselves into Paradise restored neither with this kind of oblivious attitude.
And, you will scorn me. You will ignore me. You will not like this book Canadians. But, I know you will not listen. It is pride that will doom you. If you are of faith I suggest you move away from this forbidden land. I am God Almighty. Or, accept your reward here till the day I destroy you finally in the end and there will be no Canada anymore. You have angered God.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Chapter 2
Image via Wikipedia
Image via WikipediaIt seems, now one must be very careful not assume the things I say are the true feelings of the people involved but my perception of the events as they unfold, that my troubles with certain doctors began around the time Robert William Pickton was arrested for having dead bodies on his farm.
I was convinced he is not guilty of murder and had began an awesome email campaign to the tell the world. I had another thing happen to me then too. I had discovered the hidden meaning of the Ark of the Covenant in the holy Bible. Or, at least it's fearsome powers. Come to think of it a whole lot of things have happened to me since then, the messiah.
3/13/12
Today I woke up again all night because of this medication Abilify. I like it. I think I am gonna keep taking it. Maybe I will ask Dr. McEwen to increase the dose just to justify my feelings. I still want to sue the doctor who would not originally diagnose me with narcolepsy. I think he has something to hide. And, I probably accused him if not all the local so called gentry class of Vancouver BC of possibly having a dead corpse or two stuffed away on Willy Pickton's farm.
Can you believe that is why Dr. McEwen thinks I am psychotic? Because, I want to sue my doctor.
3/14/12
God, what a morbid and horrifying country. I just got back from my others doctors office and now he will not prescribe me an increase in Effexor to combat my symptoms of cataplexy. He said to ask Dr. McEwen. I did already and he said no.
It all makes sense mind you. If you try one medication you shouldn't try another. But, seeing as how Dr. McEwen will not address my symptoms of narcolepsy/cataplexy what am I to do. Since seeing Dr. McEwen my whole life has been turned upside down by this mess. Neither will he give me a referral to a sleep doctor. What the fuck is wrong with this country. Why does it brag about it's healthcare system when it does not work for people with rare disorders?
I NEED TO SEE A SLEEP DOCTOR! And, not one like Fleming that is gonna accuse me of cheating on my sleep labs. Where in the hell is my second opinion in this country of so called socialist medicine. No wonder Canada ranks 40th place for health services right behind North Korea.
At least when I came home to Onsite I heard a voice say "Hears a nickel kid. Come back with a quarter". That was nice. But, what I really need to do is get back to California where the doctor treats me for narcolepsy and doesn't tell me I am psychotic because I have the symptoms. I really hate it here. Hopefully that hatred will propel me to write and finish this book. Probably, it's been years.
Man, I am upset. Ever since Dr. Fleming did not diagnose me properly my life has been hell. It's such a simple diagnosis. Why can't this country get it together. Canada is a shit bag. The people here are delusional. I have to get home.
You're probably wondering why I don't just leave and the answer is money. I was homeless in LA. But, in Canada I have a disablity pension. Nobody here is listening to me. I have been misdiagnosed and I need treatment for narcolepsy not anything else.
Ever sinsce I discovered the secret behind the Ark of the Covenant and gave that information to Jerusalem I have become the Angel of God in Christ, as prophecy would be.
But, I just feel awful. I feel like screaming outloud "I NEED TO SEE A SLEEP DOCTOR". I can't sleep. I can't wake. I can't function. I don't have a job. I don't have the energy to shower regularly. All I do is lay in bed and try and sleep.
You know, I have had all of the symptoms of narcolepsy since I was seven years old and they have destroyed my life. I can hear the angels crying for me their God. And, just as the bible prophecies I haven't liked being here since I came.
I have to get off these pills the doctor gave me. I am thinking about suicide. Not the kind of suicide that kills but the kind that screams out for help - I need to see a doctor of sleep medicine.
When I was in the states I was being treated by Dr. Brodski for narcolepsy and depression. He prescribed me Ritalin and suggested I also try Xyrem. When I was under his care I was even working partime and getting some exercise. My life was 100 percent better.
Chapter 1
Today is Monday the 12th of March 2012. It helps me remember the date if I write it down each day because I have narcolepsy.
Nothing, I think unmderscores my frustration with being Canada than trying to get a decent doctor to treat me for the symptoms of narcolepsy. I have been misdiagnosed for over 20 fucking years.
Dr. McEwen just left Onsite and he hasn't helped me at all. In fact if anything he has just made it more difficult for me to persue my misdiagnosis as malpratice in court. I had to disagree with him again. I am not a delsuional physcophrenic. I have the symptoms of narcolepsy and my ongoing mistreatment and misdiagnosis is criminal.
These doctors just aren't listening to me. But, there is no point in thinking about it. This health care system is the very worst I can imagine. Thank God I am an American. At least back home it only took me a week to get therapy for my symptoms that worked for me; Not like here.
But, I am stuck here in Canada till I get my internet connection up and running properly so I can make myself some money and come back home.
There is no point here. I call this medical health care system the Anti-Christ. I can't sue. I can't find another opinion. Hell, I can't even find another doctor. It's been years I have been complaining about the symptoms of narcolepsy to one doctor after another; Over 40 doctors!
I am ready to take crystal meth again just to have the energy to find a way to get help.
And, what is with Dr. McEwen not telling me how to get off from the Abilify he prescribed me? it is not doing anything but disrtupting my sleep and interfering with the Alertec I take. And, what's with not referring me to a sleep doctor like I asked him too? This system is like a merry ro round of no's.
I just need to take something stronger like they gave me in California like Ritalin or Dexedrine. What is so fucking hard to understand? Alertec is not strong enough for me. Or, how about Nuvigil the stronger form of Alertec. Dr McEwen is very unprofessional. He is not trying to help me understand and treat my symptoms. He is rather suggesting I have other symptoms of delusional phychosis which I do not have and insisting I need to take anti-pyschotics. I am concerned he is delsuional.
This medical problem I have dates back to the time I was about seven years old. I have every single symptom in the book for narcolepsy. I mean all of them. That is very rare. But, do you think I could find a doctor in Canada to help me? Probably you do. But, the answer is no I cannot.
That is why I am writing this book. To help you the reader understand the differences between our two different systems of medicine in America and Canada.
This story goes on and on and on. And, by the time I tell you that I think I am the legitimate Angel of God and the Christ, I am in the Hell's Angels MC for some odd reason, I am the leader of the Illuminati and so on you will probably think I am delsuional too, maybe or maybe not. But, anyways, dear reader, I assure you I am not a nut and would never bother telling my doctor these strange things I believe in. Religion and physchiatry do not mix.
Nothing, I think unmderscores my frustration with being Canada than trying to get a decent doctor to treat me for the symptoms of narcolepsy. I have been misdiagnosed for over 20 fucking years.
Dr. McEwen just left Onsite and he hasn't helped me at all. In fact if anything he has just made it more difficult for me to persue my misdiagnosis as malpratice in court. I had to disagree with him again. I am not a delsuional physcophrenic. I have the symptoms of narcolepsy and my ongoing mistreatment and misdiagnosis is criminal.
These doctors just aren't listening to me. But, there is no point in thinking about it. This health care system is the very worst I can imagine. Thank God I am an American. At least back home it only took me a week to get therapy for my symptoms that worked for me; Not like here.
But, I am stuck here in Canada till I get my internet connection up and running properly so I can make myself some money and come back home.
There is no point here. I call this medical health care system the Anti-Christ. I can't sue. I can't find another opinion. Hell, I can't even find another doctor. It's been years I have been complaining about the symptoms of narcolepsy to one doctor after another; Over 40 doctors!
I am ready to take crystal meth again just to have the energy to find a way to get help.
And, what is with Dr. McEwen not telling me how to get off from the Abilify he prescribed me? it is not doing anything but disrtupting my sleep and interfering with the Alertec I take. And, what's with not referring me to a sleep doctor like I asked him too? This system is like a merry ro round of no's.
I just need to take something stronger like they gave me in California like Ritalin or Dexedrine. What is so fucking hard to understand? Alertec is not strong enough for me. Or, how about Nuvigil the stronger form of Alertec. Dr McEwen is very unprofessional. He is not trying to help me understand and treat my symptoms. He is rather suggesting I have other symptoms of delusional phychosis which I do not have and insisting I need to take anti-pyschotics. I am concerned he is delsuional.
This medical problem I have dates back to the time I was about seven years old. I have every single symptom in the book for narcolepsy. I mean all of them. That is very rare. But, do you think I could find a doctor in Canada to help me? Probably you do. But, the answer is no I cannot.
That is why I am writing this book. To help you the reader understand the differences between our two different systems of medicine in America and Canada.
This story goes on and on and on. And, by the time I tell you that I think I am the legitimate Angel of God and the Christ, I am in the Hell's Angels MC for some odd reason, I am the leader of the Illuminati and so on you will probably think I am delsuional too, maybe or maybe not. But, anyways, dear reader, I assure you I am not a nut and would never bother telling my doctor these strange things I believe in. Religion and physchiatry do not mix.
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